My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
