Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
