Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
