areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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