I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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