I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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