Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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