you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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