Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
