so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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