Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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