I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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