I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
