do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
