I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
