wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
