so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
