my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
