she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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