you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this beer tastes like vomit already
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
