my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
