Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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