Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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