don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
