I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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