All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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