I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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