Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
