He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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