I want to make a zoo with you.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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