watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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