What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
