i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
