So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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