I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
