there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
