I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
