Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
