I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
