I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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