no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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