he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
