So drunk its hurt
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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