I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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