There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
