i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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