4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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