Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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