Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
