I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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