Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
