This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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