she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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