i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
