I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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