it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
