The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
